Friday, January 2, 2009


As suggested by the Pieman (aka Uncle Simon), here's a place for funny rhymes, poems, limericks (please note the spelling Pieman!), etc. Meg's going to love this!


trazzer said...

Hiya Meggie here's one .....

In day's of old when knights were bold ,
and bog's wern't invented.
folk dropped their " load " at the side of the road, then walked off quite contented bu-bum :)

love Trazzer :)

Uncle Simon said...

There was a young girl named meggie
who sat in a bath full of jelly,
She said to her mum
"Its gone up my bum"
Well at least it will stop being smelly!

Uncle Simon said...

I have a niece called meggie
who likes to dance like "jacko" off the the telly,
her moves are really neat when she a shuffles those big chunky feat,
She likes to sing out loud, as if she was performing to a crowd.
Unlike her Uncle Simon who prefers to sit and watch the telly, improving the size of his huge big fat belly!!

Uncle Simon said...

There was a young lady called Meg
Whose hair s all curly and red
One day she coloured it blue
And then went to the Zoo
"cool man" all the chimpanzeez said.

Uncle Simon said...

There was a young girl named megs
Who wanted to have longer legs
So she jumped out of bed
and stood on her head
Then hung herself up with clothes pegs!!

Uncle Simon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Uncle Simon said...

My little niece who used to live in Stockton,
She left the UK with her face full of spots on.
She's now travelled the world from Texas to Perth,
Doesn't matter to us how far away,
Beacuse we're thinking of her everyday.

Aunty Peter said...

One from Aunty Peter,
An inflatable pupil goes to his inflatable school and is having a really bad day. Bored in his history lesson, he gets up and walks out. Walking down the corridor, he sees the inflatable headmaster walking towards him and he pulls a knife out and stabs him.

He runs out of the school. As he gets outside, he thinks again "I hate
school" and pulls his knife out and stabs the inflatable school. He runs off to his inflatable home.

Two hours later, his inflatable mum is knocking at his inflatable bedroom door with the inflatable police. Panicking, inflatable boy pulls out the knife and stabs himself.

Later on that evening, he wakes up in an inflatable hospital and sees the inflatable headmaster in the inflatable bed next to him. Shaking his deflated head, more in sorrow than in anger, the headmaster gravely intones:

"You've let me down; you've let the school down, but worst of all, you've let yourself down".

phmid said...

Grandad the original pieman
Eat all the meat pies he can
He loved to go to Jesters
But now he just pesters
The life out of poor old Nan

phmid said...

Megs grannie is a grand owd gal called Heather
Who loves the Australian weather
She don't like the bugs
But just comes for hugs
And lots of Australian blether

Uncle Simon said...

Some Jokes for Meggie....

Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth !
Meggie: What ?, and get bitten !

Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing ?
Meggie: No, teacher I'm having trouble listening!

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!

Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Meggie: I don't know teacher. What will you give me?

Meggie: I can't go to school today.
Phil: Why not ?
Meggie: I don't feel well
Phil: Where don't you feel well?
Meggie: In school!

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you ?
Meggie: Not very much!

Meggie (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Meggie: This is my dad speaking!

What's green and round and goes up and down?
A pea in a lift!

How do monkeys make toast?
They put the bread under a GORILLA!

What do you get if you cross a parrot and a spider?
A walky-talk

What do you call a volcano?
A mountain with Hiccups!

How do you make an Apple Puff?
Chase it round the garden three times!

What type of footwear do bananas make?

Why did Meggie keep her trumpet in the fridge?
Because she liked cool music!

Why did the pig cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!

What did the letter say to the stamp?
"Stick with me and we will go places!"

Q: Which is faster, hot or cold?
A: Hot, because you can catch a cold!

Teacher: 'Meggie, if you had two pounds in one pocket and three pounds in another pocket, what would you have?'
Meggie: 'Uncle Simon's trousers on!'

What don't you want your pokemon to do when you are in the shower?

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk!

What do you call a spider with no legs?
A raisin!

Why didn't the jeweller want to go and watch the new JRR Tolkien film?
Because he was Bored Of The Rings!

Why was the toilet paper rolling down the hill?
To get to the bottom!

How do rabbits keep their hair in place?
With hare-spray!

Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It went down the road and turned into a field!

Uncle Simon said...

Why did the sand blush?
Because the sea weed

Why did the spaceship land outside the bedroom door?
Because someone left the landing light on!

How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

What do you get if you cross an insect with a dance?
A cricket ball

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud

Uncle Simon said...

What did the tooth brush want to become when he grew older?

A broom.

My dog's a blacksmith. Every time we open the front door he makes a bolt for it.

What do you give a sick budgie?


Two eggs sitting on a kitchen table.

One of them spots a whisk and asks: "What's that?"

The other egg looks puzzled and replies: "Beats me"

Uncle Simon said...

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost stopped when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, "And what are those"?

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?


kiera said...

What do you call a blind dinosaur?