Closure......hopefully

I'm writing this from PMH again, but this time, it's a positive thing! Meggie is having her infusaport out in about half an hour! For us, it gives us hope that we're at the end of treatment, and hopefully none of us, especially Meggie, will ever have to go through this again. Meg's pretty nervous about going into theatre again. The further into this experience we go, the harder Meggie seems to find it and the more insular she becomes. She's asking loads of questions at the moment; "do you think anyone has ever woken up during surgery before?" "how long will I be in there?" "why do they have to put a tube down my throat?" Last night she said she was quite excited about having the port out because it means that she's finished with her treatment. But she then said that she's worried too that the same thing will happen as before. She had her first port removed and then 2 weeks later relapsed and had to have another one put in and started chamo again. I can't imagine what it's like for her to have such worries. Obviously I worry every day about her, as her mum, but I've never faced that fear that I may not make it, and that I will have to go through such huge and serious surgeries. That I have a disease that could kill me.....Too much for an 11 year old to have to deal with......

So....onwards and upwards for us....... We have to believe that this is the beginning of the end of this nightmare. We still have the monthly blood tests and three monthly CT scans, so it never goes away. On the one hand it's such a relief that the doctors are keeping a close eye on Meg, and on the other hand I go though major anxiety after every blood test - hoping and praying that I don't get a phone call to say there are abnormalities.

15 mins later...

I've just come back from taking Meggie to theatre and she was great. We had a first this time! Once the doctors had her cannula in and attached the syringe of anaesthetic to it, they asked Meg to push the syringe! She sent herself to sleep which was a bit bizarre.... And now we wait in the "Friendship Room" again. Here's hoping and praying that this is the last time we ever have to sit here.

1 hour later.......

And it's all done! Everything went really well and Phil's just gone through to recovery. So I'm off to see my gorgeous girl waking up...