A different start to the new year........

Well, 2009 didn't start at all as we wanted or anticiptated. At 1.30am, I was woken up at home by what sounded like somone trying to kick the door in. I was terrified as I was on my own. The dogs were barking and wouldn't stop. I was feeling really emotional anyway and when this happened I was crying and shaking and just stood in the dark dining room feeling petrified. I finally called the police and they were great. They arrived around 2.45am and checked all around the house. The banging turned out to be a door that we're removed from the house and propped against the outside wall, which had blown over and hit the garden fence and juddered down the fence making the banging sound. What a relief that was. The weird thing was that the police woman that came asked why I was at home alone so I explained that Meggie was in the hospital having chemo, and her eyes filled with tears. She explained that her 10 year old daughter had been diagnosed with cancer of the skull but that she was fine now. So, at 3am on New Years Day, me and a policewoman I'd never met before were crying in my back garden....

Meggie and Phil had a good night's sleep apart from the normal trips to the bathroom. However, once Meggie was awake, her chemo really kicked in and her vomiting started. When I arrived at the hospital (much to my relief) she was vomiting and she looked dreadful. I gave her a quick shower which in itself is a bit of a military operation as her port site on her chest has to be covered to protect it from the water, and she was feeling pretty weak so had to be showered sitting down, still connected to her pump. She eventually agreed to have some medication to reduce the sickness and this worked and she slept for a few hours. I spent the time making her a bracelet with my beads, painting and decorating little boxes and a picture frame.

She's been drifting between sleep and wakefulness all day but managed to eat 6 pretzels which was a positive. Her anti-nausea medication is being topped up regularly and right now she's sound asleep listening to Mr Bean.

I had a long talk with one of the lovely nurses on the ward this afternoon. They're pretty quiet here at the moment so she had time to sit on the bed and spend some time. I was telling her how scared I was for Meg and how much I hated her having to go through this awful chemo. She was so great and very understanding. She was saying that as nurses they never give up hope on the children even if they've never known a child survive from a particular type of cancer. There's always hope because everyone is different. I'm really not articulating the conversation very well but it was good to chat with her and get more of an insight into how the nurses deal with working with these seriously sick children.

Time to get my PJ's on and tuck myself into my hospital bed now...... Thank you all again for all your thoughts and prayers. XXXX